It's week 4 and Sox Appeal is still on the air. I emailed NESN to ask if a second season was being considered but they must have thought I was from Scott's Shots and didn't respond.
This week we have Kim Boucher, a 42 year old stay at home mom whose husband cheated on her for five years and then left her with the three kids. Now that's not fair. How the hell am I supposed to snark on someone like her? Hopefully, her dates will suck.
Not Lenny Clarke gives us the rundown and says that each date could fly by "like Youkilis rounding the bases". I don't know if he was trying to be funny but the only person slower on the Sox than Youk is Johnny Pesky and even then it's a toss-up.
Kim explains that she was hesitant to bring her dates home to meet her kids until they asked her if she was gay. Huh?
She arrives at Fenway to see the Sox take on the Rockies and makes her way up to the Right Field Roof. I think she got there around noon for a night game because the place is absolutely empty. The first date is Michael Langlois, a 43 year old financial advisor from Pawtucket.
"I heard about the show and much like Kevin Costner, I said 'you know, there's something at Fenway Park that's gonna happen and I have to be there to experience it.'"
Oh Jesus.
By the way, Kim is very overdressed for a Sox game. She's wearing a nice light blue suit that's more appropriate for dinner at Abe & Louie's. It almost screams trying too hard. But the award for trying too hard is all Michael's.
He approaches the table, carrying what looks like a box of long stemmed roses but that would be too simple. Instead, he's brought Kim a dozen Red Sox: baseball cards of his favorite players, attached to stems, and in bouquet form. Oh man. That's pretty bad. I mean, it's sweet but kinda dorky. Kim seems to appreciate the effort, though, and that's really all that matters.
They talk about their careers, kids, likes, dislikes and honestly? There's not a whole lot to snark about. I was afraid this was going to happen. These are two nice people. Not a walking freak show like Micah from last week.
Speaking of which, in case you missed it, a commenter mentioned that Micah had a long term girlfriend when he went on the show. I don't know what's more disturbing: NESN resorting to stunt casting or someone willingly spending more than five minutes with that asshat.
The first inning is over and things are going well between Kim and Michael. It's his first date in twenty years so he's a little nervous but he's doing OK. Kim coaches her kids' baseball teams, which Michael thinks is very cool.
This is getting bad. There's nothing to make fun of. I mean, Michael calls J.D. Drew "J.D. Who". You have to respect that.
Dustin Pedroia strikes out to end the second and Michael says his goodbyes. I was hoping he'd trip up the stairs or something to make this interesting but no such luck.
Our next contestant is Pete Buckley, a 43 year old school administrator from Portland, Maine. He brings Kim a real rose, instead of a baseball card on a stick. They both played high school and college basketball, both love kids and FOR CHRIST'S SAKE COULD ONE OF THEM JUST SAY SOMETHING STUPID SO THAT I'D HAVE SOMETHING TO BLOG ABOUT?!?!?!?
Two quick innings and date number two is over. I just...I don't know. This is kind of soul crushing. But all is not lost. The preview for next week's episode is filled with potential, including a chick with a Sox tattoo on her boob. How do we know this? She flashed it.
Our last contestant is Steven Rogers, a 48 year old contractor and Reiki master from Fairhaven, MA. Now Steven scores some points from the get-go by bringing Kim a blanket. Even though this game was in June, everyone on the roof is freezing. The crowd gives Steve a nice round of applause as he puts the blanket around Kim's shoulders. Awwww.
Oh thank you Jesus!! Steven is wearing a ying/yang earring and Kim totally makes fun of it, asking him if it's a mid-life thing. Yeeeouch! And he orders wine and hot tea. She's been sitting up on the roof the entire game and orders beer while this guy orders tea and has a ying/yang earring? It's a damn good thing he brought that blanket.
Date number three is over and thankfully, soon this blog will be too. Kim is having a hard time deciding but finally, she takes the poster board and starts drawing. And she picks....
No one.
The poster board says "SORRY".
Are you kidding me?
Seriously?
Seriously. She didn't pick any of them. Instead, she decides to hang out with the guys in the Crow and Servo seats.
I hate this show.
10 comments:
Rumor has it that after the cameras stopped rolling, Dr. Charles wandered up to the roof and gave her a consolation prize--a Red Sox logo vibrator autographed by Johnny Pesky, Bobby Doerr and Dom DiMaggio.
Hmm... choosing no one seems like a good idea. Theo may want to consider this approach for this year's free-agent signing period.
Why oh why do I continue to watch this drivel? I came away with only one thought - CLOSET LESBIAN!! Sounds like even her kids have figured it out, since they asked if she's gay and don't seem to notice that she's a "girl". Hell, she was more masculine than any the potential dates (even with too much make-up and being overdressed) and could probably kick the crap out of any of them. Maybe if NESN had included a ringer as date #3...a chick...at least THAT would have been entertaining!!!
Maybe Theo should hire Laurie as his VP of Common Sense. Nice idea IH.
Love,
Bill Simmons
Why can't I meet any women like that?
A woman like what exactly?
When I find out who wrote this I'm gonna rip your throat out.
Is anonymous no. 4 actually Steve Silva? That comment has his distinctive psychopathic tone to it.
Why does NESN think we want to watch not-so-attractive 40-somethings, so desperate for love and attention they go on a show like this?
I agree. This episode had the most boring and pathetic group of people this show has seen. And that's not saying much because the show sucks!
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