Meeting Robby Roadsteamer

I think you'll agree that anyone who can make the toxic waste dump that is Sox Appeal tolerable is worth getting to know. Last week's episode was the first one where I didn't feel the need to take a Silkwood style shower afterwards so that's why I tracked down Robby Roadsteamer to see if he was up for a little chat. I was ready to play my North Shore Lifer card if he said no but lucky for me, and you, Robby was willing to play along.



How did you get involved with Sox Appeal? Did you audition?

I was working at the Red Sox Team store where NESN decided to have auditions on a lovely Saturday afternoon. Although I wasn't working one of my co-workers called me up and told me to come down and try out... It was either that or play Kid Iracus on the Nintendo... You know the rest of the story.

What made you decide to go on the show?

Well it wasn't to find true love that's for sure. I could tell that's what made me different from every other dude I saw trying out. I saw shitty fake-tan dudes with khaki shorts/loafers with no socks trying way toooooo hard. Go to EHARMONY.... I just wanted to make my friends laugh. I like doing that... And it's a lot easier to make them all laugh at once if your on TV.

Were you surprised with the first two women they set you up with? They seemed really, really uptight and I was wondering if they did that on purpose so that it was an even bigger surprise when Kristen showed up.

I wasn't surprised at all. They knew it would be comedy gold to have a couple of girls that represented the opposite of what I was looking for... I ignored them and was hell-bent on making the cameramen laugh... Everytime I did that I knew I was doing a good job... I swear to god I'm not that crazy in real life... But there was no way in hell I was going to sit with those ladies and talk Nintendo when they were giving me that "I WANTED A GUY IN A UNTUCKED DRESS SHIRT" look.

Kristen seemed really, really cool and the two of you were easily the most authentic people on the show. Did you guys hit it off after the show and have you seen her since?

The best part of Kristen was the fact she was doing it for the same reason I was. When we got out of Fenway I told her I was only being crazy for the camera... And she was too! So we really didn't' need to have a stupid ass follow-up date that neither of us wanted to be on... We keep in touch online. She's actually moving to NY in October to get her big break.... Why do we always lose so many talented people to NY!!! Whether it's baseball, comedy, music.... I think there's no difference.... I want to win my championship here... Even if I end up like Ted Williams or Yaz... That should of been the plot of Fever Pitch... Not Jimmy fucking Fallon... Which was New York's revenge on us.



The description of the women taking twenty minutes to pick out what color hat they should buy fucking killed me because it's so damn true. Do you think that Sox ownership is catering more towards the Pink Hatters at the expense of their loyal fan base, i.e. people who know who Jim Rice is? Between Sox Appeal, Remy's constant pimping of Rem Dawg merchandise in between cigarette breaks and this ridiculous election for a president of Red Sox Nation, it's starting to feel like the play on the field is becoming secondary.

I could write a whole book about my experience at the Red Sox Team store.... I've been working there for three years and have witnessed some of the most pathetic displays of soccer mommies and tourist picking out clothing just for the sake of being fashionable... I store it deep inside and hope one day to release it... "Do you have the lime-green Red Sox hat with the shamrock on the back... no wait, do you have one with the Sox? You hate me don't you? Who's that Chinese guy they signed in the off-season? Do you have Wally in the chair with the drink-holder for the chair?" The questions go on and on. But you gotta understand we're competing against the Yankees in terms of payroll with a much small stadium and baseball must be shopped to the upper-crust in this town.... It's the sad truth of it all.

More annoying: Pink Hatters or Yankees fans?

Yankees fans... I get the feeling if I locked pink-hatters in a room and preached the evils of they're ways I could convert most of them in an hour. Fashion sucks. It's a baseball cap not a dress.

How many times have you wanted to strangle JD Drew?

Not just him.... Someone signed him you know! The whole winter every newspaper, and fat-dude on WEEI begged the Red Sox not to sign him... We knew. He has the same eyes as that fat kid on the Cosby show who made grape juice with Rudy and ran out like a little bitch when the juicer went crazy and squirted juice everywhere... He might be that same kid... Maybe you can check this out?? Just wait till Manny comes back.... This is where managers become managers... I know Terry has a weak-spot for veterans... But the fans know better... Ellsbury has a hit in every game he's played and I saw him giving mouth to mouth to a man he hit with a foul ball during a game last weekend... THE KID DOES IT ALL!

Why do you love the North Shore so much? I understand it because I'm a lifer, but explain it to other people.

Because it's peacefully cheesy... Sorta like NH without the fireworks, and the bad Taz tattoos. I live in Allston and the city is soooo intense... Always a dick-measuring contest... Route 1. has a Vegas feel.... If Vegas was all mini-golf and Panera Breads! I love cruising the strip... The Northshore is where your gonna soar!

Prediction for the post-season?

YES!!! An all-star episode of Sox Appeal where I get two innings with Hazel Mae, Kelly Barons, and Kathryn Tappen!!! Yay ratings!!!

What's next for Roadsteamer?

Hahahaha.... Just trying to stay happy. For most people in Boston I'm just some time-bomb that appeared on a semi-reality dating show... For me I still have 20 or 30 years left to try and add another paragraph or two to my Wikipedia bio.


*****

Robby and the rest of Roadsteamer will be performing at The Freedom Rally on Boston Common this Saturday, Sept. 15th and at Great Scotts in Allston on Sept. 17th. For more info on Robby and his band check out their website Roadsteamer.com and their You Tube channel. The Tecmo Bowl video alone is worth the trip.