Sox Appeal Episode 8: The One That Might Be the Last

I don't want to get your hopes up but it looks like this experiment in terror is coming to an end. And no, I don't mean this blog. Next week's episode of Sox Appeal is a recap episode. And it's no coincidence that the season ends next week.

Tonight's episode was a little different. One woman, six men and no, Courtney Love wasn't involved. Instead of the usual two innings, each date was only an inning long so first impressions would be really important. And that means we're in for a whole lot of fail.

Before we get started, does that Chicken McNuggets commercial make anyone else feel stabby? And speaking of stabby, I found myself humming the Sox Appeal theme song a couple of days ago. I may need O.J. to put me out of my misery.

This is Kendra Curtis.




She's the 32yr old flight attendant for the Boston Bruins and still lives at home with her parents because she "enjoys being with family". It's ok, Kendra. I tell myself the same thing every day. And as long as you're not living in the basement, it's all good. She seems like a cool broad. Down to earth, isn't in a big rush to find a husband. I hope NESN is paying her well to deal with the parade of (mostly) losers she's about to meet.

Loser #1 is Ritchie Gotell, a 30yr old pipefitter from Weymouth.



Did you see his worst date? Dude, unless you meant a JEFF Beck concert, you deserved to be punched.

Ritchie looks like he just rolled out of sewer. His clothes are dirty and his Sox hat could be declared a Superfund site. Kendra asks him about it and he says "this has been around since the Sox won it all."

Three years ago. It's not exactly vintage. I have empty Dunks cups in the backseat of my car that are older than that hat.

Ritchie ends up being a big oaf who spends most of the date heckling the eight year old sitting in the Crow and Servo seats. Hey! Something else that's older than that hat!

It was a mercifully quick inning and Ritchie heads up to the roof bar and meets up with the other five dates. All I'm saying is poor Kendra.

Next up is Allan Rafael. He's 29, Brazilian, and works in the "film industry".



OK, whoever just said "fluffer" should be ashamed of themselves.

Their date is pretty dull. They talk about traveling and that's about it.

You know what's strange about these dates? They're only an inning but the show feels twice as long.

Jason Chin is our next date. A thirty year old optometrist from Boston.



Want to know how boring the date with Jason was?

They fast forwarded through it. NESN, you heartless bitch! That's just mean.

Number four is Mike DeMello. And Mike is one seriously jacked cement finisher from Westport.



Mike, if you happen to be reading this, I notice that you're secretly attracted to dark haired, thick hipped women.

My email address is on the left.

Kendra's caught a little off guard because she thought she was only meeting three guys but recovers when she finds out they have something in common.

They've both been sprayed with Mace.

Who says romance is dead?

And just like that, Colossus is heading back to the bleachers.

In the five hole is Andy Connors, a teacher from Easton.



I already like Andy because he reminds me of my friend Tracy's husband, Mike. Mike thinks I don't give the Not Lenny Clarke announcer guy enough shit but I'm afraid to mention him because as you may have noticed by the comments, someone takes their Lenny Clarke a little too seriously.

Poor Andy has been sweating up a storm and NESN decides to focus on his underarms. You know what NESN is?



Kendra and Andy have something in common that's even better than being Maced. They both still live at home with their parents!

I think we might have a match!!

The last date is Mark Zimmerman, a musician from Attleboro.



Yeah, I can just see Kendra bringing him back to Mom & Dad's.

Zimmah's just on there to promote his band and his smoking is a deal-breaker so thankfully it's a fast inning.

It's time for Kendra to make her decision. And it's Andy! And anti-climactic!


I've emailed NESN to find out if this is indeed the last episode of the season or series so please come back on Sunday to read our analysis of the Red Sox Nation election and, hopefully, our goodbye to Sox Appeal.