Sunday, July 27, 2008

Dispatches From Red Sox Nation of Idiots

It's that time of the year again. Thunderstorms every day, Angelina Jolie gives birth and people want to trade Manny Ramirez for a bag of broken maple bats.

One of the greatest hitters of all time? "Get rid of the bum!" Half of the greatest 3-4 combination in Red Sox history? "He's a loser!"

Same shit, different year.

Is the situation with Manny frustrating? Sure. But not just because of Manny himself. It's frustrating because things like this are orgasm inducing to the Boston sports media, who has disliked Manny from the get go because he didn't kiss their ass. That's the biggest cardinal sin here. Think about it for a minute. The two people who get the most amount of shit in this town are two of the greatest in their respective sports: Manny Ramirez and Bill Belichick. What do they have in common? Absolutely no use for the media. Coincidence? No way. And if you dare to disagree with these pricks, you're labeled an apologist. Have you ever noticed that the only apologists for the media are other member of the media? Also not a coincidence.

As hard as it is to believe, the following paragraph really did appear in the Boston Herald.

Try to think of it in these terms: Would you pay Kevin Youkilis $20 million a year? Nate McLouth? Aubrey Huff or Xavier Nady? No, no, no and no. All of those men are good players (in Youkilis’ case, he has become a very good one), and all of them entered this weekend with numbers reasonably comparable to those of Manuel Aristides Ramirez, a man whose initials spell MARz and who might as well have spent the majority of his life on another planet.


Tony Massarotti, a man whose initials spell TMi, kind of like the South Park character, went on to use the oh-so-clever MARz moniker twelve times. Here's a question: Why can't we trade sportswriters like teams trade players? How great would that be? I can think of a perfect one: Tony Massarotti, Dan Shaughnessy, Steve Buckley and John Tomase to Kansas City for Joe Posnanski. The number of people lining up to drive the four of them to the airport would be in the thousands.

The sad thing is that we might just be getting the media we deserve.

This weekend, cun...cub reporter Steve Silva, from the always accurate and insightful Boston Dirt Dogs website, asked fans at Fenway what they thought of the current situation with Manny. Here are some of their responses. (click picture for larger image)




Not only is he not going to wear Manny's jersey anymore but he's also not going to ride his bike past Manny's house anymore.





The irony of this Just For Men guy talking about anyone's hair is off the charts.





Oh no, Manny definitely wouldn't make it in New York. They don't tolerate that kind of nonsense in The Bronx. If only Manny took steroids. Then he'd be the perfect fit.





You made a sign? Well, why didn't you say so?! That changes everything!






It's Trot Nixon all over again.





Samantha Ronson called. It was your turn to clean out the bong and she's pissed.





*facepalm*


I rest my case.

24 comments:

Anonymous said...

Manny's appearance is an affront to the storied uniform of the Red Sox.

The Sox would never do anything to tarnish the image of that red B on a navy blue background. Why do they let Manny do it?

Steve said...

How many readers do you have?

Anonymous said...

She has more than you Steve, seeing as how her readers can actually you know read and all.

I just wish the Sox expanded their ice cream offerings to include pink hat sundae cups. I could sure go for some vanilla ice cream.

Ironhead said...

BDD is the flagship website for Red Sox Nation moronics.

Anonymous said...

Did Ol' Yeller ever get Nomar's World Series ring?

Tiki, why don't you ever run photoshops of civil rights workers being assaulted?

Anonymous said...

Pink Hat Hell is the flagship website for Red Sox Nation losers who spend all day ripping on jobs they're not smart enough to do.

Anonymous said...

which one do you specialize in? the hand or blow?

ozzy said...

Shame on you, Tiki. These people are great Red Sox fans. They go to a game every time their boyfriend's law firm has any left ovah. In fact, they're going to a game against the Tampa Bay Buccanneers later this season. They're gonna sit in those cool seats above the wall thingie.

Shannon said...

Steve said...
How many readers do you have?


Typical Boston fanboy....it's always comes down to size don't it?

Rebecca said...

I totally agree! I found you via Universal Hub - but posted something similar about the media on my blog today.

I'm so allset with the media on this.

BSF34 said...

Steve said...
How many readers do you have?



How many testicles do you have?

Mark said...

Why you mean to Dirt Dog? Dirt Dog big star. Dirt Dog let you ride coattails, teach you how to take photo. Show you how to get click. How to take down Boston.com through lack of computer skills. Dirt Dog still use Frontpage because Dirt Dog slow. Then newspeople tranlate for Dirt Dog. Dirt Dog happy when Dirt Dog headline go up. Dirt Dog no taste as good as vanilla ice cream.

naop said...

It's amazing the Uniball has any readers given that he can't even successfully link to his blog.

Steve, you just type your URL in the little box that's labeled "URL". Pretty amazing stuff!

Brendon said...

I love the idea of trading sportswriters. Are there any reporters or columns that just hand out facts? By the way what numbers is Massosucks looking at? Manny has a better OPS than all of them. The only major difference is Nady is hitting .330 (.302 for MAnny) and McLouth has 70RBI (65 for Manny).
Great call on the media banging on players that don't give a rats ass about them. Nomar was a classic example. Who is the next in line? Moss, Beckett??

Anonymous said...

He's a head case, but who is shocked? What is different? He called out John Henry?

Every year it's the same thing...You are right! For Tony Maz to compare him to Youkalis in terms of production is embarrassing.

John Foley said...

Again with the BDD jagoffs coming on here trying to start shit? They are everything that's wrong with the world.
One more to add to your list: Ted Williams. "Sure, he's the best hitter of all time, but he didn't play nice with WE the media. HE MUST PAY!"

Chris said...

"The only apologists for the media are other members of the media."

That is absolute MINT. 1000% true.

Jim said...

Regardless of the agenda-driven writers, and the blowhards on WEEI, I enjoy watching Manny Ramirez play baseball for the Red Sox.

Does that make me an apologist or someone who enjoys the game of baseball?

I make sure not to believe anything these never-have-beens say about the athletes that they despise.

Anonymous said...

Your tone is incredibly condescending. I the love "keepers of the gate" of "real" baseball knowledge that feel some sort of holier than thou attitude towards the "pink hats".

I have a sneaking suspicion that if you were to consistently post some of your own opinions on the game of baseball, you would be crowned queen of the nation of idiots.

Anonymous said...

Amazing. The press needs to stir the pot because they believe "wagging the dog" creates more readership but it lessens the credibility of the mainstream press. They're a submarine with a serious hole.

And those fans stupid enough to buy the "Manny has to go" shtick - get a life. Pre-2004 all I heard was "just once in my life" and now there seems to be a desperation to find something to whine about. Anyone like this team if they all had J.D. Drew's personality? To those on the anti-Manny wagon just get a life and quit acting like spoiled brats - that includes the faltering writers for the unHerald.

August West said...

In the land of neutered pets, the dog with one ball is king.

Anonymous said...


Tiki's Headquarters

April said...

Wow, anonymous, you're cool. It takes balls to make a fat joke from a sock puppet account.

What a fucking loser.

Mark said...

Now Dirt Dog angry. Dirt dog walk around block to calm down. Only Dirt Dog get click. Only Dirt Dog have connection to call out players who don't speak English. Only Dirt Dog shoot back of people head with camera and make story. People come. Dirt Dog make photoshop. Give people what want. Dirt Dog get raise. Dirt Dog get New York Time stock. Dirt Dog rich from click.