Thursday, July 31, 2008

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

More Dispatches From Red Sox Nation of Idiots

Maybe I'm just over analyzing things but have you ever noticed how none of the partings between high profile Sox players and management are ever amicable? Since Theo and the Trio took over, the team has parted ways with Nomar, Derek Lowe, Johnny Damon, Pedro Martinez and will, in all likelihood, part ways with Manny later this week. None of those "relationships" ended well. We'd start to hear the whispers about problems in the clubhouse or declining skills or too greedy or too selfish or mentally unstable. By the time Derek Lowe was gone, you'd have thought the guy needed an elephant-sized dose of Lithium just to get out of bed in the morning. Of course, it's all media driven because it fits in with their belief that gossip and controversy, not box scores and analysis, is what sells papers. They've become a collection of Perez Hiltons, only uglier and with less credibility. But someone's feeding them this bullshit and when it keeps happening every time a player leaves, there's no place else to look but up.

Whatever it is, it seems to be working with Manny. The backlash is growing and by the time Manny leaves town, Craig Grebeck will have been a better player.





She has a point. Manny's not going to be the same without Jason Varitek hitting behind him. It's a shame, really.





I'd like to live in this guy's world where women only get their periods once a year. Fucktard.





I think we've found Gerry Callahan's alt.





Yeah Manny! Good ridens!





Good riddens! Getting closer...





Yeah, I didn't know who Wes Agee is either and after looking at his MySpace I wish it would have stayed that way.





Sigh.





Must resist bus joke.





You're absolutely right. This is rediculous. Good ridens.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Dispatches From Red Sox Nation of Idiots

It's that time of the year again. Thunderstorms every day, Angelina Jolie gives birth and people want to trade Manny Ramirez for a bag of broken maple bats.

One of the greatest hitters of all time? "Get rid of the bum!" Half of the greatest 3-4 combination in Red Sox history? "He's a loser!"

Same shit, different year.

Is the situation with Manny frustrating? Sure. But not just because of Manny himself. It's frustrating because things like this are orgasm inducing to the Boston sports media, who has disliked Manny from the get go because he didn't kiss their ass. That's the biggest cardinal sin here. Think about it for a minute. The two people who get the most amount of shit in this town are two of the greatest in their respective sports: Manny Ramirez and Bill Belichick. What do they have in common? Absolutely no use for the media. Coincidence? No way. And if you dare to disagree with these pricks, you're labeled an apologist. Have you ever noticed that the only apologists for the media are other member of the media? Also not a coincidence.

As hard as it is to believe, the following paragraph really did appear in the Boston Herald.

Try to think of it in these terms: Would you pay Kevin Youkilis $20 million a year? Nate McLouth? Aubrey Huff or Xavier Nady? No, no, no and no. All of those men are good players (in Youkilis’ case, he has become a very good one), and all of them entered this weekend with numbers reasonably comparable to those of Manuel Aristides Ramirez, a man whose initials spell MARz and who might as well have spent the majority of his life on another planet.


Tony Massarotti, a man whose initials spell TMi, kind of like the South Park character, went on to use the oh-so-clever MARz moniker twelve times. Here's a question: Why can't we trade sportswriters like teams trade players? How great would that be? I can think of a perfect one: Tony Massarotti, Dan Shaughnessy, Steve Buckley and John Tomase to Kansas City for Joe Posnanski. The number of people lining up to drive the four of them to the airport would be in the thousands.

The sad thing is that we might just be getting the media we deserve.

This weekend, cun...cub reporter Steve Silva, from the always accurate and insightful Boston Dirt Dogs website, asked fans at Fenway what they thought of the current situation with Manny. Here are some of their responses. (click picture for larger image)




Not only is he not going to wear Manny's jersey anymore but he's also not going to ride his bike past Manny's house anymore.





The irony of this Just For Men guy talking about anyone's hair is off the charts.





Oh no, Manny definitely wouldn't make it in New York. They don't tolerate that kind of nonsense in The Bronx. If only Manny took steroids. Then he'd be the perfect fit.





You made a sign? Well, why didn't you say so?! That changes everything!






It's Trot Nixon all over again.





Samantha Ronson called. It was your turn to clean out the bong and she's pissed.





*facepalm*


I rest my case.

Friday, July 25, 2008

Doomsday Approaches...




We're just a little more than a week away from the premiere of Sox Appeal '08. Can you feel the excitement? Can you??

Yeah, me neither. But, I guess we have to face the fact that it's coming and there's nothing we can do to stop it. So, to prepare for the...event, come back on Monday, when we'll launch some new running features and put some pink hat myths to rest once and for all. Until then, make sure to check out the NESN Comedy All-Stars show that premieres Friday night after the Sox/Yankees game. I'm sure it'll be...

Yeah.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Why?

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

The Onion Nails It




They may be famous for fake news but there are times when The Onion is prescient. For example: In 2004, Schick introduced the Quattro razor, prompting the CEO of Gillette to "issue" a memo to his employees via The Onion entitled, "Fuck Everything, We're Doing Five Blades". One year later, Gillette introduced the Fusion razor with, you guessed it, five blades.

Earlier this week, The Onion reported on a phenomenon sweeping its way across Fenway Park in an article that can best be described as fake but accurate.

My Girlfriend Wants to Leave the Game Now

BOSTON—According to eyewitness reports, Jennifer Holleman, 25, wants to leave the game now despite the difficulty and expense of obtaining tickets, the strong playoff implications of the contest, and the fact that the final result of the hotly contested tie game is still in doubt. "Are you still watching this? Or can we leave soon?" Holleman asked boyfriend Ian Pickett, who had been looking forward to the game for weeks and had in fact initially invited his best friend before finally being coerced by Holleman to bring her instead. "Let's go watch a movie or something. Or I could call Liz and Michelle and meet up at a bar that's playing the game there.Then you could still watch the end of the game. We've been here for an hour already and no one's even winning." Earlier in the evening, Pickett had missed the only scoring of the once-in-a-lifetime sporting epic while waiting in line at the gift shop to purchase a pink version of the home team's hat.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

We've Got Mail!

A couple of weeks ago, I found this little treat in my mailbox.

On Mon, Jun 23, 2008 at 6:05 AM, Eric Korsh(responsibleforthiscrap@sonsofcharlessteinberg.com) wrote:

Tiki,

I'm hoping you are prepared to skewer us again on season two - we start airing 8/3.

Eric Korsh
Executive Producer
Sox Appeal
PO Box 182
Boston, MA 02134
URL: www.Sox-Appeal.com


Well, hey there, Eric! Nice to hear from you. Thanks for letting me know when season two starts. It's not as if NESN has been running commercials every half inning or anything like that. Oh wait...

I'm really looking forward to seeing how you'll follow-up the masterpiece that was season one. It's going to be hard to top
Sleazy Seniors Gone Wild.



And I can't wait to see who this year's chosen ones are. You guys sure did pick some winners last year. Like Josh Cupp. The same Josh Cupp featured on DontDateHimGirl.com. Way to screen your contestants!

I'll have my TiVo all set and ready to go for August 3rd. I'm sure
Sox Appeal's presence on my TiVo will make The Two Coreys feel much better about themselves.

Hope you're having a great summer!

Kisses,

Tiki