Protip: If you're going to make a subtly racist dig at a player, make sure you use the correct stereotype.
"What Matsuzaka did not say, of course, was that he showed up in camp this year looking like the Sta-Puft marshmallow man. (What's the Japanese word for doughboy, anyway?) Asked about Matsuzaka's strength when the pitcher returned from the World Baseball Classic, Farrell said at the time that Matsuzaka graded out well when the club tested the pitcher's shoulder. In retrospect, what Farrell did not say was that Matsuzaka looked like he spent the winter eating dumplings and shumai, which the Red Sox believe contributed to the pitcher's problems."
We'll ignore the egregious slight to the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. What can't be ignored is the little dig at Dice-K's weight gain. In the tiny clump of cells known as Mazz's brain, the only way Japanese players would get fat is if they spent the entire off-season eating Japanese food. If the Red Sox had a black player (as if!) who came to camp overweight, I wonder if Mazz would have suggested he spent the winter eating fried chicken and watermelon? That would go over well. But what makes his point even more absurd is that he didn't even use Japanese food. Shumai? It's a Chinese dumpling. Which, when you think about it, makes "dumplings and shumai" redundant.
You know, like most of Tony's columns.
And it's nice to see that Tony's fans are picking up where he left off.
This is starting feel familiar, isn't it? Go back to where you came from is a familiar refrain anytime a non-American player says something even remotely critical of the Red Sox. Curt Schilling complained about the way the training staff handled his rehab and there was nary a critical peep from the media. Other than Shaughnessy, of course, but that's personal. Regardless of how you feel about his comments, the idea that Dice-K should keep his mouth shut because he's Goddamned lucky to be playing in this great country of our is bullshit. And dangerous.
So, Tony, when you're working on your next column about Dice-K, you might want to consult this guide to Japanese culture. It takes a special breed of jackass to screw up a stereotype.