Welcome To...

It's Not Sox Appeal...

2011-04-01T14:42:00.001-04:00

...but it's damn close. And it might just be worth resurrecting this blog. The Red Sox are kicking off a new season. And we're kicking off a new segment, "Heading Home". It gives you an up close look at your favorite Sox players, off the field. Lindsay Buchholz, wife of pitcher Clay Buchholz, is going to introduce us to all the guys and their families. Up first, Lindsay is at home with her

Tony Massarotti's Very Bad Week Continues

2009-07-30T17:15:00.003-04:00

First, he mixes up his racial stereotypes and is censored by Boston.com. Now, it would appear he's contracted a case of selective amnesia."And so now we know, with 99.9 percent certainty, what we have long suspected and feared: Big Papi is a myth. The rags-to-riches story is truly a fairy tale. David Ortiz is a symbol of baseball now just as he was then, though this time he is playing the role of

CYA: Tony Massarotti Edition

2009-07-29T12:17:00.003-04:00

Looks like Tony Mazz's stereotyping of Dice-K didn't sit well with the folks at Boston.com."In retrospect, what Farrell did not say was that Matsuzaka looked like he spent the winter eating dumplings and shumai, which the Red Sox believe contributed to the pitcher's problems" has been changed to "In retrospect, what Farrell did not say was that Matsuzaka looked like he spent the winter eating

Tony Mazz Is an Idiot

2009-07-28T23:06:00.012-04:00

Protip: If you're going to make a subtly racist dig at a player, make sure you use the correct stereotype."What Matsuzaka did not say, of course, was that he showed up in camp this year looking like the Sta-Puft marshmallow man. (What's the Japanese word for doughboy, anyway?) Asked about Matsuzaka's strength when the pitcher returned from the World Baseball Classic, Farrell said at the time that

Smartest Fans in Baseball: Trade Deadline Edition

2009-07-28T16:32:00.005-04:00

Dear John Henry

2009-07-20T01:09:00.002-04:00

Please stop acting like an insufferable, petty asshole. It's embarrassing. Less Tweeting, more finding a bat by the trade deadline.

2009-05-20T20:09:00.000-04:00

Twittering our way through tonight's game. Come find us!

Huzzah!

2009-05-13T14:01:00.003-04:00

Congratulations to our friends at Patriots Daily on winning Best Football Blog at the New England Sports Blog Awards. Sadly, they didn't win Best Overall Blog and couldn't receive this check from WEEI's Mike Adams.I wonder how many bottles of Viagra Mike could buy with "Two Thousand Five Hunder Dollars"?

Touching All the Bases Indeed

2009-05-08T19:04:00.002-04:00

Chad Finn hits Manny Being A-Rod out of the park.

Breaking News

2009-05-07T15:53:00.002-04:00

After 30+ years of futility, frustration, medical assistance, animal assistance, manual assistance and 400 broken penis pumps, WEEI's Mike Adams has finally achieved an erection.

Come Back Soon, Remy

2009-05-07T01:01:00.002-04:00

Fight the good fight.In November I had a very small, low-grade cancerous area removed from my lung. I was fortunate that it was discovered at an early stage. Except for the surgery, I required no additional treatments. I left the hospital with a clean bill of health.Unfortunately, following the surgery, I developed a bad infection further compounded by a case of pneumonia. It was the pneumonia

Now They're Just Taunting Us

2009-05-04T00:59:00.010-04:00

Summer is fast approaching and with it comes a fresh batch of hell at the Red Sox team shop. Take a deep breath. It isn't pretty.Any child seen wearing this hat should be immediately turned over to Social Services for deprogramming.Apparently the color itself wasn't offensive enough.No. No, I won't and you can't make me.This visor is the reason Big Papi's bat is deader than Bob Dole's dick.With

Quote of the Day

2009-04-23T21:58:00.003-04:00

From the always enjoyable Chad Finn: "If this hillbilly love-child of Roger Clemens and Mindy McCready zips one by Kevin Youkilis's head tomorrow night, it . . . is . . . on. And I've got to admit, I wouldn't mind a little scrap to up the intensity." We'll be live Tweeting Joba vs Lester Friday night on Twitter. Come for the sarcasm, stay for the cupcakes.

We've Found Our Soul Mate

2009-04-17T00:55:00.002-04:00

Dan Tobin, from the excellent Bugs & Cranks, shares our hatred for Sweet Caroline.(H/T Universal Hub)

It's Not That We're Hoping He Gets Hurt...

2009-04-10T00:21:00.005-04:00

...but you know it's going to happen. So, why not have some fun!Welcome to the 1st Annual JD Drew Disabled List contest!The rules are simple: tell us on what date you think Drew will be placed on the DL. If yours is the correct guess, you will win a $50 gift card to MLB.com. How easy is that? Post your selections below. You must have a registered Gmail/Blogger ID in order to enter.Have at it!

Let's Try This Again

2009-04-07T15:07:00.002-04:00

We're Tweeting Opening Day! Come follow us at Pink Hat Hell on Twitter. And come back tomorrow to enter our 1st Annual (unless he gets traded) JD Drew Disabled List contest!

Church Services Will Begin at 2:05 PM

2009-04-05T21:42:00.003-04:00

Sister Annie Savoy presiding. Please dress accordingly.Come follow us on Twitter as we Tweet our way through Opening Day. And come back Wednesday to enter our first annual (unless he gets traded) JD Drew Disabled List Prediction Contest for a chance to win a $50 gift card for MLB.com!Baseball is back. All is right with the world.

Questions Chad Finn Left Unanswered

2009-02-28T17:45:00.002-05:00

Earlier this week Chad Finn wrote an article skewering sports radio, WEEI. Of course I wrote something similar six months ago, but I don’t have the Boston.com platform from which to proselytize. I was, however, offered space at this blog, and humbled, I jumped at it.Here is my submission- http://www.pinkhathell.com/2008/08/dirty-jobs-weei-listener.htmlHere is Chad’s-http://www.boston.com/sports/

Blind Item

2009-02-17T15:07:00.002-05:00

Which WEEI weeknight sports talker was recently the target of a sweep by animal control officers? Sources close to the investigation revealed that at least a dozen small animals were removed from the host's home. "It was heartbreaking. I've been in this business for over twenty years and thought I had seen everything. But for as long as I live, I'll never forget that poor goose, dressed in a

Breaking News

2009-02-12T19:37:00.007-05:00

Sources reveal to Pink Hat Hell that WEEI's Mike Adams, host of Planet Mikey, has been having sexual relations with domestic pets for the past seven years."While I have no concrete evidence, Adams' behavior and overall demeanor exhibits all the tendencies of those found in domestic pet abusers" our source wrote. "While some may think the constant sniffling is related to substance abuse, the truth

Curt Schilling: Internet Troll

2009-02-08T20:33:00.005-05:00

Imagine that you woke up Saturday morning to the news that...You know what? I just realized that blogging about an attention whore is giving the whore attention.Never mind.

It Had To Be Done

2009-01-22T16:03:00.002-05:00

38 Bitches

2008-10-22T17:28:00.004-04:00

The busiest person so far in the early dawn of the Red Sox off-season appears to be Curt Schilling. The former Sox pitcher is hard at work after shoulder surgery, strengthening his hands by pounding away furiously at the keyboard, calling Red Sox fans idiots. It began on Monday when Curt became an officer of the newly formed Facebook group "Re-Sign Tek". He immediately pounced on fan who had the

Wearing Your Loyalty On Your Sleeve (Or Leg)

2008-10-09T21:25:00.004-04:00

Ah, October. The time when a young fan's fancy turns to playoffs.And ink. And needles.When the Red Sox won the World Series in 2004, long lines of fans, eager to show their loyalty, formed outside of tattoo parlors across the country. People wanted a tangible reminder, a tangible form of proof that the impossible really did happen, that they really did finally win the whole damn thing.Some of

Good Night, Yankee Stadium

2008-09-21T21:15:00.002-04:00

Thanks for the memories.

Memo From God: "It Is Now OK To Mess With Texas"

2008-09-17T23:05:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was quite a day for young Carlos Zambrano. He shut out the Astros of Houston by the score of 5-0. Pretty impressive feat, considering that the 'stros had just won 14 of their previous 15 contests. Even more impressive than this, however, was that Big Z threw not just a whitewash, but a bonafide no-hitter.<----Here's the big fella celebrating the last out of his no-no, a strikeout of the

The Yankee Guy Followup Post; Or Even More Ways to Piss Off BSMW

2008-09-14T01:55:00.009-04:00

Hey Red Sox Nation, how y'all doing? I'm fine, thanks.I wanted to take the time to answer some of your questions and accusations. I didn't want to misrepresent myself any further than I already had in my previous post. I freely admit that the piece I wrote on Thursday was a little rough. It definitely could have used tighter editing and some proofreading, among other things.This started out as a

Curt Schilling Orders Entire State Of New York Off Of His Lawn

2008-09-12T00:16:00.015-04:00

Say now, what's old no. 38 up to these days? He's such a charming fellow, I feel bad when he slips under the radar. So where are you, Schill? What's new in your world? Have you been... pitching? Hmmm, nope. Showing up to camp in the best shape of your life? Hmmmmmm. Doesn't look like it. Very peculiar, that. I thought only *clubhouse cancers* showed up to camp overweight. Making 8 million U.S.

Sox Appeal Season 2 Ep. 6: All In the Family

2008-09-08T10:08:00.039-04:00

Hello, and welcome to another Pink Hat Hell Sox Appeal Recap. I'm Denise- your guest recapper for this super-sized episode. Welcome aboard, and here we go!This week's episode centers around Noah, a contractor from Acushnet, Mass who happens to be the ninth of eleven children.There are two "shocking twists" in this episode that end up being anything but- the entire family has come along as an

Or What?

2008-09-04T02:17:00.005-04:00

I'm serious. What's going to happen if I don't cough up the $14.95 to make my Red Sox Nation citizenship official by the end of today? Is the MA governor of RSN going to come to my house and take my picture of The Steal off the wall? Is he going to break my Sox mug? Burn my Sox t-shirts? Cancel my DirecTV?What are they going to do me? Throw me in some Gitmo type cage designed by "Den" Drinkwater?

When Jay met Dan...

2008-09-02T20:36:00.002-04:00

You've undoubtedly heard the rumors about Jay Mariotti, late of the Chicago Sun-Times, taking his tough-guy, contrarian, shit-on-your picnic act to Boston. As someone who has rejoiced in seeing the three teams I love win six championships this decade, I can ask with a straight face...haven't we suffered enough? Even uber-douche "Chicken" Hawk Harrelson can't stand Mariotti. Boston's

Sox Appeal Season 2 Ep. 5: Thud

2008-09-01T02:35:00.007-04:00

I don't know how to say this.I don't know what to do.This week's episode of Sox Appeal was so dull and so inoffensive that recapping it would be like rewriting an instruction manual for a toaster. How do you make "insert bread, remove bread after ejection" interesting? You can't. I'm going to keep watching the show every week in hopes that some of that hate from last season returns and provides

Dirty Jobs: WEEI Listener

2008-08-26T16:30:00.005-04:00

Pink Hat Hell is happy to welcome its second guest blogger, Buzz Byrne, into our happily dysfunctional home. Buzz and Chico are two great writers, which makes me wonder what the hell they're doing writing here but I'm not so dumb as to look a horse's mouth in its gift box. -TikiBetween the years 1996 and 2000 I had a job I hated and my main interests were the local sports teams and drinking in

Sox Appeal Season 2 Ep. 4: It Is What It Is and What It Is Is Dull

2008-08-24T23:41:00.015-04:00

If someone had asked me what they'd be least likely to hear me say, the sentence "I miss last season's Sox Appeal" would have definitely been on the list but after this week's episode, I'm yearning for the days of Bollywood at the Ballpark and Robby Roadsteamer.Sox Appeal has always been an awful reality show for a number of reasons but there are dozens of awful reality shows that are enjoyable

Karen Varitek's Flickr

2008-08-19T13:22:00.002-04:00

Sox Appeal Season 2 Ep. 3: Guitar Zero

2008-08-17T20:21:00.011-04:00

I think I've finally figured it out. I think I know why we're being subjected to this trainwreck.We're being punished.This is the price we have to pay for two World Series championships.That has to be it, right? There's no way that there are people who tune into Sox Appeal because they actually like it. No way. Was the Boston vs New York Poker Challenge must see TV? Schindler's List is funner

When Billy Met Gerry

2008-08-14T14:06:00.005-04:00

While the following story is satire, there's nothing funny about kids battling cancer. Please support the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute and the Jimmy Fund by making a donation to the WEEI-NESN Jimmy Fund Radio-Thon. Call 1-877-738-1234 or visit WEEI.com to donate. These kids and their families deserve all the praise, help and support we can give them.Smarmy, bigoted, small-pricked morning radio

The Calcified Captain Stays Classy

2008-08-14T03:54:00.003-04:00

That's not the only stereotype these women have to deal with. In a post-Kobe world, everyone assumes that athletes' long absences involve on-the-road hanky-panky. Perhaps surprisingly, these women say they don't worry about that. Groupies throwing themselves at their husbands is just part of their lives. "It's hard to say you get used to it, but it's kinda like you just have to deal with it,"

Sox Appeal Season 2 Ep. 2: Go-Go Dancer, Your Life Is Calling

2008-08-10T23:24:00.004-04:00

Let it never be said that Sox Appeal isn't educational. You see, when I first heard that tonight's dating hero is an on-again, off-again go-go dancer, I thought that was a nice way of saying she's a stripper. As it turns out, go-go dancers and strippers are quite different from each other. There's the whole clothing thing. While they don't wear much, there is a little bit of fabric between the

The Season Two Premiere of Sox Appeal

2008-08-03T20:25:00.007-04:00

(Be sure to check out Manny Happy Returns, our good friend California Bill's take on Manny heading west.)The tag line for this season's Sox Appeal is "This year the game isn't on the field."Ain't that the truth?In the press release announcing the new season, Joe Feld, NESN's vice president and executive producer said, "We’ve taken feedback from Red Sox Nation, added a few new twists, and made the

Manny Happy Returns?

2008-08-02T22:16:00.002-04:00

Tiki has graciously invited me to contribute to her blog. I have been hard pressed to come up with a topic, as I generally like to write in the evenings and lately I have been preoccupied between 6-11 p.m. being lectured by consumnate professional Mike Adams on what is expected of an employee. if I ever get a job, I hope to apply his valuable lessons. Also, did you know Jim Lonborg is a

Thanks Manny

2008-07-31T17:53:00.003-04:00

More Dispatches From Red Sox Nation of Idiots

2008-07-30T00:22:00.002-04:00

Maybe I'm just over analyzing things but have you ever noticed how none of the partings between high profile Sox players and management are ever amicable? Since Theo and the Trio took over, the team has parted ways with Nomar, Derek Lowe, Johnny Damon, Pedro Martinez and will, in all likelihood, part ways with Manny later this week. None of those "relationships" ended well. We'd start to hear the

Dispatches From Red Sox Nation of Idiots

2008-07-27T21:29:00.005-04:00

It's that time of the year again. Thunderstorms every day, Angelina Jolie gives birth and people want to trade Manny Ramirez for a bag of broken maple bats.One of the greatest hitters of all time? "Get rid of the bum!" Half of the greatest 3-4 combination in Red Sox history? "He's a loser!"Same shit, different year.Is the situation with Manny frustrating? Sure. But not just because of Manny

Doomsday Approaches...

2008-07-25T01:15:00.002-04:00

We're just a little more than a week away from the premiere of Sox Appeal '08. Can you feel the excitement? Can you??Yeah, me neither. But, I guess we have to face the fact that it's coming and there's nothing we can do to stop it. So, to prepare for the...event, come back on Monday, when we'll launch some new running features and put some pink hat myths to rest once and for all. Until then, make

Why?

2008-07-21T12:19:00.000-04:00

The Onion Nails It

2008-07-16T15:09:00.002-04:00

They may be famous for fake news but there are times when The Onion is prescient. For example: In 2004, Schick introduced the Quattro razor, prompting the CEO of Gillette to "issue" a memo to his employees via The Onion entitled, "Fuck Everything, We're Doing Five Blades". One year later, Gillette introduced the Fusion razor with, you guessed it, five blades.Earlier this week, The Onion reported

We've Got Mail!

2008-07-15T20:32:00.014-04:00

A couple of weeks ago, I found this little treat in my mailbox.On Mon, Jun 23, 2008 at 6:05 AM, Eric Korsh(responsibleforthiscrap@sonsofcharlessteinberg.com) wrote:Tiki,I'm hoping you are prepared to skewer us again on season two - we start airing 8/3.Eric KorshExecutive ProducerSox AppealPO Box 182Boston, MA 02134URL: www.Sox-Appeal.comWell, hey there, Eric! Nice to hear from you. Thanks for

And We Shall Know Them By the Hats That They Wear

2008-06-26T10:32:00.004-04:00

In today's edition of The Boston Globe, Fashion correspondent Kate Jackson asks the question, "Why is this hat so hated?" Well, Kate, how much time do you have?Let's debunk one thing right from the start: hating Pink Hats has nothing to do with any kind of hatred or backlash against female Red Sox fans. The "female fan as victim" mentality is almost as annoying as that glob of cotton candy with a

Don't Like It? Go Root for the Cubs.

2007-10-24T07:47:00.000-04:00

I wasn't sure what I was going to do with this blog after Sox Appeal ended. The point of it had been to bitch about the Red Sox and let's face it, there hasn't been much to bitch about these past few weeks. But on the morning of the first game of the World Series, leave it to one of the Knights of the Keyboard (hat tip Teddy Ballgame) to come up with something.The Boston Globe's Brian McGrory

Trust Me, Kid

2007-10-01T15:05:00.000-04:00

You'll get over it.And what the hell are you crying about anyway? How old are you? Five? Six? If you're crying like this now, you're going to be institutionalized by the time you're a teenager. Bart Giamatti, who was the boss of baseball long before Bud Selig, said that baseball is designed to break your heart. But it does more than that. It steals your girlfriend, wrecks your car, sets your

Now THIS is Reality TV

2007-10-01T04:16:00.000-04:00

The Red Sox Nation Presidential Debate was supposed to air on NESN Friday night but was postponed for something slightly more important.You know, the Sox winning the AL East for the first time since 1995.It may have aired on Saturday night or Sunday. Who knows? Or, more importantly, who cares? And if you do care, what the hell is wrong with you?None of this bullshit is necessary. Not Sox Appeal.

Turning Red Sox Nation Into a Banana Republic

2007-09-26T20:54:00.000-04:00

Tonight's Sox Appeal is a recrap of the mercifully concluded season. There's no word yet as to whether NESN will bring it back for a second season but given what an awful show it was, it's a virtual guarantee.Wednesday night, NBC's Tim Russert, host of Meet the Press, will moderate a Democratic presidential debate at Dartmouth College in New Hampshire. He'll ask senators, congressmen and

Sox Appeal Episode 8: The One That Might Be the Last

2007-09-20T04:36:00.000-04:00

I don't want to get your hopes up but it looks like this experiment in terror is coming to an end. And no, I don't mean this blog. Next week's episode of Sox Appeal is a recap episode. And it's no coincidence that the season ends next week. Tonight's episode was a little different. One woman, six men and no, Courtney Love wasn't involved. Instead of the usual two innings, each date was only an

Sox Appeal Episode 7: AARP Edition

2007-09-12T23:00:00.000-04:00

We're at a serious disadvantage tonight, kids. Just in time for Rosh Hashanah, NESN has decided to atone for their sins by featuring a cancer surviving military vet who's just looking for love.Meet Bob Stegmaier.He's a 62 year old photographer from Chelmsford and is celebrating his ninth cancer-free year after receiving a bone marrow transplant for leukemia. Nothing snarky about that.His first

Meeting Robby Roadsteamer

2007-09-12T05:45:00.000-04:00

I think you'll agree that anyone who can make the toxic waste dump that is Sox Appeal tolerable is worth getting to know. Last week's episode was the first one where I didn't feel the need to take a Silkwood style shower afterwards so that's why I tracked down Robby Roadsteamer to see if he was up for a little chat. I was ready to play my North Shore Lifer card if he said no but lucky for me, and

Sox Appeal Episode 6: Who Could Ask For Anything More?

2007-09-06T02:15:00.000-04:00

I don't know if we're going to get through this one, kids. It's the first celebrity edition of Sox Appeal and I use the term celebrity as loosely as Paris Hilton's garter belt. Meet Robby Roadsteamer.No, you read that right. Robby Roadsteamer.Robby has a band. Roadsteamer. He's the lead singer. Here's the video for their hit "I Put a Baby In You".Other hits include "Let Me Put the Tip In" and "

Sox Appeal Episode 5: Me, Myself and I

2007-08-30T02:17:00.000-04:00

So what do you think will happen first: J.D. Drew takes the bat off of his f'ing shoulder or Sox Appeal will win an Emmy? And when did Terry Francona morph into Grady Little? I'll hang up and listen.Mike Miller from the Boston Phoenix made a great point about one of Sox Appeal's biggest flaws in today's edition. It's hard to give a shit about this show when it's on less than an hour after the Sox

Sox Appeal Episode 4: The One Where Nothing Happens

2007-08-23T09:12:00.000-04:00

Who knew that the Japanese meaning of the name Daisuke Matsuzaka was "he who gets no run support"?It's week 4 and Sox Appeal is still on the air. I emailed NESN to ask if a second season was being considered but they must have thought I was from Scott's Shots and didn't respond. This week we have Kim Boucher, a 42 year old stay at home mom whose husband cheated on her for five years and then left

Sox Appeal Episode 3: Just Shoot Me

2007-08-15T17:03:00.001-04:00

What better way to follow a nutcrushing loss than with a nutcrushing dating show? And this time, the nutcrushing is for real as we have our first chick in the hot seat. Interesting that on the episode with our first chick, there's no Kathryn Tappen introduction. What, someone couldn't convince Tom Caron to put on a pair of hip huggers and walk down Landsdowne Street? This never would have

Sox Appeal Episode 2: Bollywood at the Ballpark

2007-08-08T20:23:00.000-04:00

Just a quick observation as Globe 10.0 wraps up: Charlie Pierce is a heck of a writer but if I saw him on the street with a Dunks cup in his hand, I'd put my spare change in it.Despite the hopes and prayers of real Red Sox fans, Sox Appeal has returned for its second episode. The only consolation to be found is that because of the Sox playing in Anaheim against the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim

Oh My God, He Killed Coco!

2007-08-08T02:58:00.000-04:00

The Premiere of Sox Appeal

2007-08-02T06:23:00.000-04:00

I don't know who coined the term "Pink Hat Nation", although I'm sure Bill Simmons will take credit for it. You can spot members of PHN a mile away. They're the ones who believe that Red Sox history began in 2003. They think it's cute that the Sox named the foul pole after the old guy that used to sit in the dugout . "They call him pesky 'cause he's so little!" They go to Dirt Dogs for all